Noah "Puck" Puckerman || Glee (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
alloriginalgradeabadass) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
etrelibre2012-08-12 12:25 am
alloriginalgradeabadass) wrote in etrelibre2012-08-12 12:25 am
Entry tags:
[SOLO] "Still alive, but I'm barely breathing. Just praying to a God that I don't believe in..."
Who: Noah Puckerman
Where: The Synagogue
Time of Day: Evening
Open or closed: Closed
It was late, and there were no services going on at the synagogue at this hour. Which was, in Puck's opinion, a perfect time to go. He had a few things to say to God that he was pretty damn sure wouldn't go over too well with a rabbi or the Jewish congregation of Etre Libre, and he needed to say his piece.
The fact was, as Puck walked the long sidewalk toward the synagogue, all he could think of was that it was too late. Too fucking late. Blaine couldn't possibly be coming now. Not if he'd killed himself. Maybe that was irrational, given how late in the game Kurt had arrived. Puck knew full well that time was extremely relative on the island... Hell, even his own wife... er... ex-wife, now, he supposed... had arrived on the island out of high school when he'd arrived while they were married, years down the road. It all fucked with his head, but the overwhelming feeling was simply that Blaine wasn't coming. Puck just somehow knew that it couldn't happen now.
The door to the synagogue was unlocked, and Puck let himself in, closing the door gently behind him and just standing there, as if for a moment, he was afraid to enter the presence of the God he was so angry with. Then again, there were lots of examples in the Torah of people being angry with God, and most of them didn't end up being struck dead. And the fact was, Puck had to say what he had to say, or he'd never get it out of him.
Carefully, Puck approached the front of the room, his footfalls light on the polished floors. He was fully intending on going to sit on one of the pews near the front, but he didn't make it that far before he was staring at the Torah ark and shaking his head. "Why?" he murmured quietly as tears blurred the ark from his sight. "Why?!" His voice rose, despite the choking sobs that were suddenly shaking him. He refused to bow, or get on his knees. Why bow to God now? What had he ever done for Puck?
"I asked you to take care of him!" he screamed, the tears streaking his face as he balled his fists at his side. He was pretty sure if God himself was standing in front of him right now, he'd take a swing at him. "That's the only thing I asked of you! Take care of my boy... Let him be happy again. I never asked you for anything but to take care of the people I loved! And especially Blaine. You took his whole world away from him! Is it because he was gay? Is that it?! Yeah, well, screw you, you fucking made him that way!"
Maybe it was sacrilegious to use profane language in the synagogue, but right now, Puck didn't care. If God expected Puck to keep praying and being nice and praising his holy blah blah blah, he had a different thing coming.
"I never complained to you for letting my old man be a deadbeat and leave my family. I never complained about anything! I just asked you to protect my friends and family... And instead, you let Kurt die, you took Quinn away from me, and now my best friend kills himself, and I'm just supposed to keep right on singing your praises? Fuck that. Fuck you. I did a lot of messed up stuff in my life, but I always tried to take care of the people I loved, and I thought it would be okay, because I thought you had my back... I thought I could trust you to take care of Blaine when I couldn't. I thought I could trust you to give me and my wife a family and protect us all. I thought..." The words died on his lips, choked back in heartwrenching sobs as Puck sank to his knees on the floor, not in honor or reverence for God, but in a grief so strong that his legs couldn't hold him up under the weight of it anymore.
His cries were loud and hard, and his whole body trembled as he buried his face in his hands. It was too much. It hurt too much, and for what seemed like an eternity, Puck just knelt there on his knees, weeping bitter, angry, heartbroken tears. When he finally caught his breath, he managed to push himself up off the floor. Swallowing hard as he tried to wipe his face, he managed to focus his eyes in on the ark one last time. "You'll never see me in here again," he swore. "Never. I'm done with you. Just like you've been done with me as long as I've been alive. Done." Tears still leaving tracks on his face, Puck rubbed at his eyes with the cuffs of his jacket. Fuck this. He was going home. And he was going to get very, very drunk.
Where: The Synagogue
Time of Day: Evening
Open or closed: Closed
It was late, and there were no services going on at the synagogue at this hour. Which was, in Puck's opinion, a perfect time to go. He had a few things to say to God that he was pretty damn sure wouldn't go over too well with a rabbi or the Jewish congregation of Etre Libre, and he needed to say his piece.
The fact was, as Puck walked the long sidewalk toward the synagogue, all he could think of was that it was too late. Too fucking late. Blaine couldn't possibly be coming now. Not if he'd killed himself. Maybe that was irrational, given how late in the game Kurt had arrived. Puck knew full well that time was extremely relative on the island... Hell, even his own wife... er... ex-wife, now, he supposed... had arrived on the island out of high school when he'd arrived while they were married, years down the road. It all fucked with his head, but the overwhelming feeling was simply that Blaine wasn't coming. Puck just somehow knew that it couldn't happen now.
The door to the synagogue was unlocked, and Puck let himself in, closing the door gently behind him and just standing there, as if for a moment, he was afraid to enter the presence of the God he was so angry with. Then again, there were lots of examples in the Torah of people being angry with God, and most of them didn't end up being struck dead. And the fact was, Puck had to say what he had to say, or he'd never get it out of him.
Carefully, Puck approached the front of the room, his footfalls light on the polished floors. He was fully intending on going to sit on one of the pews near the front, but he didn't make it that far before he was staring at the Torah ark and shaking his head. "Why?" he murmured quietly as tears blurred the ark from his sight. "Why?!" His voice rose, despite the choking sobs that were suddenly shaking him. He refused to bow, or get on his knees. Why bow to God now? What had he ever done for Puck?
"I asked you to take care of him!" he screamed, the tears streaking his face as he balled his fists at his side. He was pretty sure if God himself was standing in front of him right now, he'd take a swing at him. "That's the only thing I asked of you! Take care of my boy... Let him be happy again. I never asked you for anything but to take care of the people I loved! And especially Blaine. You took his whole world away from him! Is it because he was gay? Is that it?! Yeah, well, screw you, you fucking made him that way!"
Maybe it was sacrilegious to use profane language in the synagogue, but right now, Puck didn't care. If God expected Puck to keep praying and being nice and praising his holy blah blah blah, he had a different thing coming.
"I never complained to you for letting my old man be a deadbeat and leave my family. I never complained about anything! I just asked you to protect my friends and family... And instead, you let Kurt die, you took Quinn away from me, and now my best friend kills himself, and I'm just supposed to keep right on singing your praises? Fuck that. Fuck you. I did a lot of messed up stuff in my life, but I always tried to take care of the people I loved, and I thought it would be okay, because I thought you had my back... I thought I could trust you to take care of Blaine when I couldn't. I thought I could trust you to give me and my wife a family and protect us all. I thought..." The words died on his lips, choked back in heartwrenching sobs as Puck sank to his knees on the floor, not in honor or reverence for God, but in a grief so strong that his legs couldn't hold him up under the weight of it anymore.
His cries were loud and hard, and his whole body trembled as he buried his face in his hands. It was too much. It hurt too much, and for what seemed like an eternity, Puck just knelt there on his knees, weeping bitter, angry, heartbroken tears. When he finally caught his breath, he managed to push himself up off the floor. Swallowing hard as he tried to wipe his face, he managed to focus his eyes in on the ark one last time. "You'll never see me in here again," he swore. "Never. I'm done with you. Just like you've been done with me as long as I've been alive. Done." Tears still leaving tracks on his face, Puck rubbed at his eyes with the cuffs of his jacket. Fuck this. He was going home. And he was going to get very, very drunk.