[CLOSED TO PUCK] "When evening falls so hard, I will comfort you."

[notchangingwithyou]

Who: Noah Puckerman and Lyla Garrity
Where: Outside the synagogue
Time of Day: Evening
Open or Closed: Closed

Lyla was still dressed in scrubs, making her way home from a long shift at the medical centre. She loved being a nurse, and knew she was lucky to be able to do the job on the island once she had proven herself more than capable to Dr Chase. She had been on the island for over a year now, landing here after she had graduated from Vanderbuilt and was missing Texas like nothing else. She had a nasty fight with her father, who was trying to tell her where she should work now she was qualified, and Lyla basically told him to go fuck himself.

Next thing she knew, she was on the beach, being greeted by a hot Asian dancer who bought her a drink and explained everything to her. It had been a pleasant surprise to find both Tim and Jason there too. The three of them had set their past aside and re-built their friendship here on the island. It was nice. And honestly, Lyla loved it here. She was one of those lucky ones who really didn't want to go home.

She was checking Wavebook on her phone when she passed the Jewish synagogue and almost bumped into a guy exiting it... and he was crying. He was crying and trying to shield it, but he was still crying. "Hey... are you okay? Is there something I can do to help you?" she asked in concern, automatically reaching to touch his arm softly.

Comments

[notchangingwithyou]

"You know, it's really, really easy to think of our mistakes as regrets and let them dictate every fibre of how we function. It's easy to let the bad stuff pull us down to places that seem near impossible to get back up from. But do you know the best part about mistakes? They make us stronger and they give us balls to face harder things that we might be dumped with in the future. You said you know Jason, right? He and I used to date. I was the head cheerleader, he was the QB destined for national football stardom. He was the prize of Texas, he was going to be so great," Lyla said, letting her eyes fall closed for a moment as she reminisced. "Then he got hurt. Bad tackle on the field and everything changed in literally a split second. He was left paralysed, his life in tatters. And right when I should have stood by him... I cheated on him with Tim. I was confused and scared, Jason wasn't coping. It was the worst mistake of my life, and I have made many. But I learnt a hell of a lot from it. Never quite got over the guilt of hurting him when he needed me most, but now he's one of my closest friends, especially here on the island where we had a second chance to be important parts of each other's lives..."

She paused for a moment and gently put her hand over his. "What I'm trying to say is that we beat ourselves up a hell of a lot more than we should. It's the people who stick by us through those screw ups that make us remember why we're even here to start with. It sounds like our best friend is that for you. You know, I believe the island works in the most fucked up ways ever, but I also believe that it brings you the people you need when you need them. Until them, it lets you try to go it along to rebuild even more of that fighting strength. Learning to live apart from someone is often just as important as having them in your life. I know this probably seems like I'm talking shit, but have you ever heard the analogy that you don't know what you have got 'til it's gone? I believe that's how the island works. Then right right when you don't expect it, you might go for a walk along the beach, and there they are. With a renewed sense of appreciation to have them back in your life to cherish."

[alloriginalgradeabadass]

"See, that's what I always thought, too. Like, you make mistakes, but they make you better. When I used to play football, if you made a mistake, you got the shit knocked out of you. But it made you better. You learned to check up. You learned how to not get hit like that the next time. Life's pretty much the same way." He listened to her story about Jason and Tim, and he shook his head just a little. "At one point in high school, I was kind of the Tim in your story... Minus the paralysis thing. My best friend was this guy named Finn... Same deal, QB on the football team, dating the head cheerleader, who also happens to now be the CEO of the resort here. Anyways... I had it bad for Quinn, and I ended up sleeping with her the summer before our sophomore year. She got pregnant and we gave the baby up for adoption. It turned out to be for the best eventually, and Finn and I somehow ended up friends again, but it was a long hard road, and I learned a lot. She and I eventually ended up hooking up again, years down the road, but... That's kind of a long story, too."

Puck looked up at her and met her gaze, the warmth of her hand over his comforting and tender. "Maybe. I guess that kind of makes sense. He was always my rock. We kind of were for each other. He was my best man when I got married, and I was his. His... His husband was murdered on their wedding day, but ended up here and got saved. Then a friend of mine just showed up from the real world and tells me that my BFF, like, seriously, the most important dude in my life, just... he couldn't live without his husband, and on what would've been their five year anniversary... He OD'd. On purpose. She tells me my wife left me because my BFFs husband was the fag to her hag, and she couldn't handle life without him anymore. Everybody fell apart. All of us. I tried like hell to help him... Did everything I could, but it just wasn't enough."

[notchangingwithyou]

Lyla nodded and then gave a small laugh. "Eventually, you at least hope they do. You do have some people in this world that just keep making stupid mistake after stupid mistake and they never quite learn from it. Tim is a prime example. He had to end up in jail for something he didn't even do before he started to realise that maybe doing stupid things wasn't the best way to run his life, that being a better person got better results. It's not an easy lesson to learn. It takes a hell of a lot of balls to want it because change is scary. But what is even more scary is changing yourself. As hard as that whole thing sounds like it was for you to go through, it sounds like you both ultimately made the mature choice. A baby is no thing to be messing around with. The choices stop being about you and all about what's best for them."

"Are you talking about Kurt? He's a sweetheart. I've only met him a couple of times, but his story is pretty infamous. He's been here a couple of years without his husband, right? So, his husband is your best friend. How long have you been here without him?" She listened in concerned, frowning as she shook her head in disbelief. "Broken heart that couldn't heal. You hear all this, and he still hasn't arrived, so now you're wondering what kind of fucked up world would take a guy's husband and leave him all alone, and then bring you here to a place that won't even bring him here too if he was in that much pain? That people can come here because of something as insignificant as losing their favourite so, so why can't your best friend? Puck, this island is the strangest goddamn thing I have heard heard of. I don't think I will ever understand it. We live here and come to accept that we're here until we're not anymore, but it has it's own plan. Maybe he won't come here until everyone here waiting for him is settled enough to be able to help him? You can't give up, okay? You need to keep a positive mindset so that if he ever does come, you can help him readjust. Especially if he had a tough life back home. The biggest part of this place is having people here who can help you learn to live here."

[alloriginalgradeabadass]

After another sip of coffee, Puck shook his head just a little. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think Tim and I were long lost brothers or something. Only, I ended up in juvie for something I did do, so I can't quite claim innocence in the situation. After the whole adoption of my kid thing, I ended up stealing an ATM and... Wow... That sounds stupider and stupider every time I actually say it out loud... Which isn't all that often these days, since it's not something I'm exactly proud of by any stretch of the imagination. But yeah... As you get older, you begin to see that change is necessary, sometimes no matter how hard it is. I changed and grew up. So did my friends. But this has been a weird situation, just to be honest. I know that's a huge understatement here, but you know what I mean. And that's the damn truth. I don't regret it at all. It was what was best for her, and I made a few mistakes... Thought I had a shot to be her dad... But I wasn't ready to be anybody's dad, no matter how much I wanted to be. And I can see that now."

"The one and only," Puck replied with a warm, if pained smile. "Yeah. His husband's my best friend. If you met him, you'd never believe that was who Kurt Hummel fell in love with. He's crazy, but he's our Blaine, and we love him." Puck wasn't really ready to talk about Blaine in the past tense yet. Even if he hadn't been in Puck's life for a very long time. "Exactly that. You know, some people have the capability to find love more than once in their lives. Blaine most definitely isn't that person. Kurt is his everything. Always has been, since they met, really. But yeah. Pretty much. It's killing me to think about that. That I can't help him from here, and honestly, I can't help him at all if he's fucking dead. I just want him here and with Kurt again. It's the only place he'll ever be happy. He saved my life, honestly. When I was still a fucking moron doing stupid shit, he more or less sassy gay bitched it out of me... All in the middle of loving me through it. It's harder than anything to live here without him. Especially knowing where his life went."

[notchangingwithyou]

Lyla just gave a small smirk at this and gestured with a wave of her finger. "You have no idea how similar you are. Only... very, very different. For one, Tim basically went through his entire high school career drunk. He never knew how to handle any situation with high emotions, either. He just wrote himself off even more so he didn't have a care in the world. I'm not getting that feeling with you at all. Just listening to you talk about your friend... Blaine... I can see that you actually feel emotions quite deeply for people you care about and you have no interest in hiding that. You just wish you had some sort of, I don't know, super power that could them and stop all the pain. You wish you could some how bargain with your religious beings to bring Blaine here for Kurt, possibly even at the sacrifice of something of your own. Everyone does stupid things when we're kids, you know. But it's ho we grow up that makes us who we are. Even for you to admit to the mistakes you have made and admit they mad you stronger is such a big, big thing. That takes balls."

She smiled softly, listening to Puck reminisce about his friend. She had met Kurt, and he was always so sweet, but there was no doubt about it there was something about him. A wall up around him, and now it all made sense. It made sense too why he worked two very busy jobs that basically filled his day and night hours... so he didn't have to be still very long to leave it open to missing his husband desperately. "I never used to believe love like that existed. Once upon a time, I hoped it did. I had faith. But after everything with Jason and how life seemed to easy to just crumbled in a split second, I lost hope. I always thought that to get that, you had to sacrifice other things you loved. That you could never have the whole package. Screwed, huh? Then I came here and I see people like Kurt whose hearts are breaking without those they love and it makes me realise that somewhere out there, it really is possible to find that. And I am romantic enough to keep holding onto that. Which is why I really think your friend is going to come. One day. You just have to wait for him. It sounds like he is going to need you when he gets here, no matter what time he comes from. That what best friends are about."

[alloriginalgradeabadass]

Puck had to smile back at her, no matter how miserable he was. There was something kind and gentle in Lyla that just helped. Mike was Puck's best friend here on the island, and they had carried on many conversations over the years about Blaine, hoping that he was okay, that he was safe... And now, Puck knew he wasn't. And he knew that he could talk to Mike about it, but in high school, he, Mike, and Blaine had been like the Three Musketeers. And as much as Puck was hurting right now, the thought of telling Mike and making someone else feel that pain, too? Was too fucking much. "Yeah... I did my share of drinking, but not when people I cared about were hurting. In the early days of school, yeah. I was kind of a dick, and I put up this front that nothing bothered me, and I didn't care about anybody. But Blaine? He was really the one who changed that when I thought nobody could. He made me wake up and see how important it was to have friends, and not just to have them, but to be one myself... And sometimes, being a friend means you just hurt because they hurt. But yeah, you're right. I'd rather hurt for the rest of my life than see my friends hurt for one minute. I'd give up anything to make their lives okay."

The part of the story that Lyla chose to focus on surprised Puck just a little, but when she spoke, he couldn't help finding comfort in her words. Maybe she was right. Maybe the island was just waiting until the right time... Making sure they appreciated what they missed before they had it again. Ordinarily, he would've thought that this was just some random stranger trying to make him feel better when she had no idea what she was talking about. But he didn't get that feeling with Lyla. She meant what she was saying, and she truly believed it. "I hope you're right. About all of that. About love, and about Blaine... It's really hard to believe it sometimes, you know?"

[notchangingwithyou]

Lyla just went her lips around another faint smile and nodded knowingly. "You and Tim are very much alike. I'm surprised some force-field hasn't sucked you two together in a pub crawl or something before now. He didn't have his parents growing up. Mom and dad walked out on him and his older brother, so Billy pretty much had to take care of Tim and Billy wasn't the most savoury of creatures in the world either. They were quite the pair. But I know that type. The false bravado that you don't need anyone because admitting you do is like admitting you're weak, and what if you need someone and they hurt you anyway? I know. I get it. Friendship is such a powerful thing. Everyone thinks love is the most important thing, but it's not. Not everyone is successful in love, but everyone can be a good friend if they care enough. It sounds like Blaine is so, so different to you, and came with the ability of opening your eyes up to things you were roadblocking on yourself."

"But at the end of the day, you still let him in. You changed yourself somewhere in there too, so don't underestimate your own strength. This is painful and it's hurting your heart, I know, but you'll wake up tomorrow and you'll keep going on this island because deep down, there is still a glimmer of hope that tomorrow might be the day your friend arrives. And you will keep doing that until you die because I can tell, you'll never give up hope on him. Not really, as hard as it feels right now to fight." She smiled softly at him again. "This place isn't about righting wrongs, Puck. It's why it's not filled with everyone single person in the world who has made a mistake. It's about giving people the strength to accept that sometimes, the wrongs are what make us who we are. It's why some people are here for a very long time. They change so much that they exist here more easily than back home where it all goes wrong."

[alloriginalgradeabadass]

"I've met the guy on more than one occasion... Seen him where I work more than a time or two. Just never really got to be good buddies with the dude or anything. He sounds like somebody I'd probably hit it off with, though. We sound similar enough to bond pretty well... Or want to kill each other, whichever came first," he added teasingly. "I had my mom, but when I was growing up, I was a lot like my old man... Troublemaker. Selfish. Stupid. And my mom had this way of constantly reminding me of that. But... See, that's another thing. When B came into my life, he helped me find a way to reconcile with my mom. And she was suddenly so fucking proud of me. I made something of myself. I became a better son, brother, and friend, and it was all because of him. Yeah, we were like... chalk and cheese, honestly. But it worked."

There was so much warmth and kindness in this girl that Puck couldn't help smiling back at her, no matter how heartbroken he was by the whole thing. She was right. Having company and not being alone was way better than drowning his worries in a bottle of booze back home. "No. No matter how hard it is, and how much it fucking kills me, I can't just stop hoping and believing. Right now, I'm the closest to giving up I've ever been, but even now, I know that I won't. I'll feel like it, think about it, plan on it... And end up holding on like hell, because he's my best friend. And Kurt deserves to have him here."

[notchangingwithyou]

"Where is it you work?" Lyla asked curiously. The island was one of those places where, no matter what you did back home or were destined to do, you could end up doing something completely different here that you would never have envisaged for yourself. Lyla was one of those ones who did exactly what she was going to do back home, which was be a nurse. It was something she never thought she would do, but once it dawned on her it was exactly what she wanted in the wake of Jason's accident, she had a true passion for it and it made her happy. Like somehow, it could help make up for the stupid mistakes she made in the past. "Tim's not particularly deep. I'm not sure he would be the sort you would bond with on a deeper level like you did with your friend you're missing. More like it would be a buddy to watch a game with and share beer. He's a real dude. That's where he and Jason always clashed. Jason's more intelligent and driven, where Tim's really not. He does what he needs to for survival and that's about it. But he's got a big heart and will do anything for anyone if they need him to. It's a prized thing to have people in your life who have faith in you to become a better person, Puck. We just don't always see it to appreciate it."

She nodded in agreement with him and then softly patted the back of his hand. "And you know what? It sounds like Kurt might need you too. He has a huge missing puzzle piece, and if you're here and his husband isn't, you can watch out for him in the meantime in Blaine's absence. It's not the same, anyone will know that, but it's something. It's something you can do to honour Blaine until the time comes that he arrives. Then you guys will work it all out. I'll pray for you that he comes. It can't hurt, right? And comes from a time he is okay and not too damaged so the island can give him his second chance too."

[alloriginalgradeabadass]

"I work at Hors de Prix," Puck replied with a little smile, followed by a short laugh. "It's funny. I always thought as a teenager that working at a strip club would be the coolest job ever. Like, it would be some kind of heaven of employment. But now I've got that... What I used to think would be a dream job... And it's just a job. Does nothing for me. It's just a living." It was true. He could remember being 15 or 16 and hoping that he'd grow up to run a strip club or be a porn star, but none of that really appealed to him anymore. He liked getting to work with Mike, and Remy was a good guy to work for, so that was why he liked his job. It had very little to do with the gorgeous women dancing on the stage. "Hey, a guy needs friends, no matter what. There are different kinds of friendship for sure, and I can use buddies to share a drink and a game with just like I need friends like B... It's just... My roommate... Mike, he was sort of the third musketeer to me and Blaine. We're roommates here, and we're tight as anything. It's like... Like we both miss B so much we've kind of had to make up for his not being here by getting closer ourselves. He's awesome. But even with that, there's just... There's a connection between me and Blaine that nobody else ever got or was ever able to replicate. It was a joke with all our friends, because we were so damn different, but we would've killed to protect each other."

Puck couldn't believe the kindness that was being shown to him out of the blue by this stranger, but in a way, she wasn't really a stranger. She knew the story that had rocked his world completely, and she understood where he was coming from even if she wasn't there herself. "Blaine would never forgive me if he showed up here and I hadn't taken care of Kurt," he replied. "It was always kind of an understanding we had. If anything happened to him, I was supposed to look after Kurt, and he would take care of my... My wife. If anything happened to me. But now Kurt's here, and my marriage isn't even a thing here, so... I guess watching out for Kurt is kind of the one thing I can do."

[notchangingwithyou]

Lyla just laughed at this. "Now why am I not surprised to hear that? Totally not judging at all because I know the guy who owns it and he's a sweetheart when he wants to be. I also know he will really fuck you up if he wants to too. But the pay would be good, and the island has the ability of letting people do things and try things they wouldn't normally do back home. I was one of the more boring ones. I qualified as a nurse shortly before I found myself here, and I loved it, so it was no real question about whether I should do it here or not. Plus, it's a career choice that means a lot. It was Jason's situation that put me on that path. Helped me dig my head out of my own bum and realise I wanted to help other people, not just cry and complain about how I wasn't getting my own way all the time. It's funny how growing up can really change the way you look at the world. High School made everything so amplified, and it was like if you didn't stand on the top there every single day to prove yourself, the world would spontaneously combust around you. But really, a small school in a small town, it should never have the ability to impact someone's life so much." She could see how hard it was for him to visit the topic of his absent friend. There was no doubt Blaine was clearly like a brother to him, and the bond went above and beyond mere friendship. She didn't think she personally ever had that with anyone. She never had any real close friends. Jason and Tim were, but they had the history that meant they still needed personal space from each other more often than not. "You know, I think coming to the temple for him after hearing about what happened back home was very telling. It means you still hold hope he could come. Maybe less hope than you did before, you came to pray for him and to think about him, honour him. You didn't just want to throw the towel in and give up on everything. I think as long as there is ever still a tiny chance he could come, you'll hold onto it and keep going... you'll go on keeping in an eye on Kurt for him. You don't have it in you not to."

"Oh, hey, you have your work cut out for you, though. Kurt's pretty independent from what I've seen. So, you're protecting him from afar without letting him know too much you are for fear he might smack you down or something. Kurt's the sort of person I always wanted to be and tried to convince everyone I was, but really, inside, I as just a weak and stupid little girl who didn't know better than anyone. How do you even cope with seeing your wife here on the island? Or does she just feel like a completely different person to who your wife is back home?" she asked.

[alloriginalgradeabadass]

"Oh, yeah. I can't complain about working for him. It's pretty straightforward work, the pay's good, he's good to work for. You just have to kind of make sure you walk the line. That's the main thing there. But I do like my job. It's like you said... This place gives you opportunities to try new stuff, and I can't really complain about that part. I've been lucky to get what I have, working for the guy I work for. It's definitely something I'm grateful for. But hey, it sounds like being a nurse meant a hell of a lot to you, and you worked hard for it, so there's no real reason you should need to give that up. Especially not with the medical facilities we've got around here. But you're right. High school changes us, even if it shouldn't, and we really shouldn't let it. We do, and after school, we're never the same again. It's just the way it is. Sometimes it's for the better, but other times, it's really very much for the worst." He went quiet then, listening to her. She had been sweet to listen to him, and he was going to afford her the same kindness. "You could be right," he finally admitted quietly. "I don't think I can ever accept the idea that he might not come. It fucking sucks to imagine living here and not seeing him again. He's just... He's my best friend, you know? We went through everything together. But you're right. I couldn't give up on looking after Kurt, or waiting on B."

"No joke," Puck replied. "But he's always been that way. And with good reason. When we were younger, nobody was there to look after him or protect him. I was actually one of the people teasing him, you know? I was awful. But he grew strong and he's one of the bravest people I know. He doesn't need or even really want me looking after him, but he's got it just the same. Because he's my best friend's man. As far as my wife... She's different here, that's for sure. She's been here a long time, and she came from a different time to me... Her life here isn't my life there, so it's almost like you said... like two different people."

[notchangingwithyou]

Lyla couldn't help but watch him a little more closely with a mix of curiosity and concern. She could see and feel the sadness, but he was also very lost right now. He had been holding onto hope probably for a very long time, and now it felt like it was gone and knowing the island worked in mysterious ways wasn't enough to comfort him. "So, other than work, what else do you do around here to relax or switch off? Or do have you just fallen into a rut of not doing any of that? I mean, I know it can't be easy knowing someone you loved is here and you can't have them, but have you been with anyone else since? Or is your heart trapped on pining for Blaine and pining for the love you lost? It sounds like other than your friends who are also here with you that you haven't let yourself open up to something new. Even if you wanted to, it would be hard. But it just sounds like you're very, very lonely and lost. It's okay to need comfort and seek it out. You're not going to betray your life back home if you look for it because life back home is another universe. What would Blaine say if he was here right now and saw you like this?" she asked, trying to at least get him to use his connection with his best friend in a positive way to keep Blaine alive inside and not fall into the trap of closing it all off now he knew Blaine was passed back home. "He's a guy, he would probably tell you to get laid and find someone special, right? Have you ever considered that here or has it been too hard to separate home from the island?"

She pressed her lips together wryly and nodded. "So, you were a bully. Don't beat yourself up so much. Shit happens in school. It's a danger zone, and you do what you can to survive the gauntlet. Knowing Kurt as I do, I doubt he holds a grudge against you anymore. Especially not if you're basically his BFF in-law. He has a big heart, it's just weakened and in pain not having what keeps it beating here with him. When was the last time you and he just hung out? Spent some time together? Maybe that's something to think about? You can both talk about Blaine and deal with the ordeal together. Together is always better than being alone," she murmured and gave his hand a squeeze.