[TAG NICK] "It's just a place I'm looking for. We might as well be strangers in another town..."

[warble_on_jeff]

Who: Jeff Hinton and Nick Matheson
Where: The beach
Time of Day: Late afternoon/early evening
Open or Closed: Closed

Jeff couldn't say that Kurt didn't warn him that Nick here wasn't the same Nick he knew. He couldn't say that he didn't realize that might mean that Nick wouldn't remember that they had been a couple. And honestly, he couldn't even say that there wasn't a part of him that wondered if Nick had found someone new on the island. But there was that optimistic part of Jeff that hoped that maybe his boyfriend had waited for him. That was until he and Kurt had come across Nick and Quinn kissing not far off the beach. For a moment, it was so surreal that Jeff hadn't known what to say, but he'd stood there gawking, in complete shock for a bit longer than he should've, before turning to Kurt and asking him to get him to wherever the fuck he was supposed to be going.

That night, once checked into his room, Jeff had honestly gone to pieces. It was too much. Too much to see the love of his life in someone else's arms, holding them, looking so... happy with them. But for it to not only be someone else, but someone who was a friend in the real world. Someone they both cared about as Kurt's best friend and hag. And then there was the whole added fact that Kurt was fucking dead, and had died on his wedding day... Fucking murdered on his wedding day. Who the fuck would be so evil as to kill someone on the happiest day of their life?

It had been a day or two of just hiding in his room before Jeff had finally come out of his shell to go back down to the beach, needing more than anything just to have some peace and quiet. As he sat on the beach, quietly watching the waves with his arms crossed and resting on his knees, Jeff spotted Nick a little way down the beach. Not all that far away, but he was focused on a drawing he was working on. The blonde's first reaction was to just go away... Just go back to his room and hide away again, but as long as they were both on this island, he needed to face Nick. And sooner rather than later would be best.

So with a deep breath to strengthen his resolve, Jeff rose from the sand, dusting off his shorts, before walking over to Nick. "Hi, Nicky," he said softly, trying to keep his voice from quivering.

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[warble_on_jeff]

"You're not the Nicky I know," Jeff reasoned, grabbing handfuls of the sand as if trying to somehow ground himself to the beach and accept that this was his life right now, at least for the time being. "Nobody is the person I know. I think I get that, but it's kind of hard to wrap my mind around. You look just like the Nicky I left back home... Well, I mean, except your hair's longer, and you're more tanned. Kurt's different. Everyone is, really. I do get that. I know I do in a way, but on the other hand, it's a matter of looking at you, and realizing that you're the same person, but at the same time, you're not. It really is an alternate reality, and I never thought those really existed. I thought it was just something in the sci-fi books and movies. So your whole life changed and you came here, while I kept living my life with you there? That... I believe you, Nicky, but it's really hard to make myself totally understand, if that makes sense."

Jeff's eyes were really trying their damnedest to well up with tears, and he was fighting it like hell. He didn't want to fall apart on Nick when this was the first time Nick had seen him in ten years, even if he'd seen him only a few days ago. So he was quiet, trying to keep his calm and listen instead of freaking out, which would've been all too easy to do. But this wasn't the time or place for that. It wouldn't help anyone, least of all him or Nick, and he did have to realize this was just as strange for Nick as for him, it not more, because this was the first time he'd ever really found out anything major about his life after the point where he'd come here. "The... the drunk night was what started it all," Jeff said softly. "I don't... I'm trying to imagine the last ten years of my life without you, and I just... I can't even think that way. It hurts too much. I wish... No. No, there's no point in wishing things were different when they're not. I'm sorry." He paused, looking down at his left hand and imagining it with a prominent wedding band on the ring finger. He could've had that if he hadn't been such a dick. He'd still be at home with his Nick, and everything would be normal. He didn't really know where to go from here. He swallowed hard against the urge to just break down in tears, and looked at Nick quietly. "Ten years..." he repeated with a shake of his head. "Ten years without your family, and with friends from all different points in their life... Nicky, I'm sorry. I wish I knew where to even start with all of this. I mean... Do you even want to know, or is it easier if you don't? I swear, I'm not here to get between you and Quinn. I won't. I'm not that kind of guy."

[nickthewarbler]

Nick sucked on his lower lip and eyes were back to the line of the horizon in the distance as he gave a shake of his head. "Nope," he had to confirm, but it was quietly and guiltily. But why did he feel guilty? It wasn't his fault he had been brought here at sixteen before anything between him and Jeff really progressed. The guilt that he had been riddled with over walking away from Blaine that night he had the slushie thrown at him had been enough to bring him here and keep him here. That wasn't his fault. Once you got here, everyone had to learn to wear the very reason that brought you here because that was why you were here to begin with. But he knew without having to verbalise it that the reason hew as feeling guilty now was because being different meant Jeff was probably going to hurt over it, and that would be the last thing in the world he would want. It was completely out of his control, however, and as a result, that hurt him too. Since getting here on the island, he hadn't really explored his sexuality all that much. He knew he was bisexual, just knew deep down in his heart, but he hadn't acted on it. Other than Jeff back home before he was sucked here, he hadn't slept with any other guys. He had visited Aquatique a few times, and danced with some guys, but mostly he had just gone to visit Kurt who managed it. Since he started dating Quinn, as to Nick's romantic loyalty, she was the only one he had eyes for since. "We're different, but the same. It's a weird concept. Maybe a more accurate way to explain it is we are innately the same, as personality, but different as to life experiences and how they impacted on us. Life shapes you, but inside, you're still you. That's what people are like here. For me, I've been here for ten years, so I had to grow up here and I grew up doing things way different to how I would have done back there. Kurt's no doubt the most different of all of us, but without Blaine, he's not the same person. Blaine built such a distinct part of him, that without it, he is different. He's lost a light no one has ever been able to coax back into him. No one but Blaine can."

He could see that Jeff was visibly upset and a lump formed in his throat to witness it. What he would give to not hurt Jeff, but he had no other choice here. He couldn't just snap his fingers and be the Nick Jeff wanted and needed because he didn't know who that other person was or what made him who he was. He put his arm around Jeff's shoulders and gave him a soft, gentle hug so he could at least show him that their friendship could still be there if they wanted it. It might take a bit of work, but he was sure it could be. "I just think for now, for me, it's better to not know. I'm pretty much already riddled with guilt that I can't somehow change it for you and I don't know how I would cope hearing the full story. I've heard enough to understand where you stand here, and I really am sorry that you need to go through this. But we're a strong group here and we help each other get through it. Plus, back there, a lot of pain and loss is left that here we get a new chance to live without. I know it's going to take a lot and it will be time, but we can still be friends, right? I... I never honestly thought I'd see you again. Ten years is a really, really long time to wait for someone and them to just... never arrive."

[warble_on_jeff]

Jeff just watched Nick quietly, the way the other man's eyes scanned the horizon and the coast in front of them. Nick had always loved the beach. He was a Florida boy, born and raised, despite his very European heritage. Jeff could remember so many times the two of them had visited Florida with Nick's family, both before and after they hooked up, and they'd just enjoyed the beach... There was even one time that they'd made love on the beach at the private portion that belonged to a friend of Nick's family. It had been Nick's idea, and there was some sand involved, but the blanket they'd used had kept the discomfort to a minimum, and it had ended up becoming one of their most special memories. They had so many good ones on the beach, from the romantic, to the exciting (when Nick had taught Jeff to surf, for example), to the most simple. The beach had held so many of their special moments, and now here they were... on another beach, in another place and time where Nick wasn't his at all, and Jeff was trying like hell to make sense of all of this. He didn't want to be that obnoxious little kid throwing a hissy because he wasn't getting his own way. It just still was taking him time to wrap his head around it. That there was actually a world, a world he was in now, where Nick wasn't his other half... Where Nick hadn't even seen him in ten years. That was a hard thing to swallow on many levels, especially the whole side of things where he had just come from a world where he and Nick lived together... shared their lives with each other every single day. This wasn't something that was going to be easy for Jeff by any means. But he was just going to have to learn to deal. "I can't even imagine coming here as a kid... spending part of your growing up years here without your folks. Did they have people that you could at least kind of... go to for guidance or something? Friends that were older or anything like that? I can't even imagine Kurt without Blaine, but I think I saw at least the beginnings of what you're talking about when I got here."

The touch from Nick, while well-intentioned, only hurt that much more. Jeff didn't want it to be that way. But how did you go from only a few days ago sharing your life with someone on every level -- sharing your home, your bed, your body, heart, and soul -- to a friendly hug with that same person, only he was with someone else and hadn't seen you in ten years. It was just a mindfuck that Jeff was going to need time to figure out. Even the hurt that came from Nick's hugging him like that couldn't stop Jeff's arm from snaking out and wrapping around the other man's waist, needing just for a moment to feel that connection to him, even if everything was different now than it had been then. "Nicky, I don't... I don't want you to feel guilty. It's not your fault, okay? I don't hold it against you or think you suck for not just... being who you were back home to me. That's not your fault." And then Nick was asking if they could be friends, and Jeff just stared at him for a moment, not really meaning to. Could they be friends? Just friends? After everything Jeff had experienced on his end of things? Part of Jeff wanted to say no. But there was a bigger part of him that needed the connection with Nick, no matter how it came. And how was it fair to deny Nick his best friend when he hadn't done anything wrong? So he nodded slowly. "Of course we can still be friends. You're... the best one I've ever had. I can't imagine if it was me here for ten years without you. I'd have lost it."

[nickthewarbler]

Nick nodded and bit down on the inside of his cheek to tell himself not to start crying. It had gotten easier as he got older, but he still missed his family and what he had left behind at home now and again. He had been here so long that he could never be sure anymore if he would go back. Not that he would remember behind here if he did, but none of his family had come here to-date, so he wasn't sure if he would ever seen them again. And he had missed Jeff, he really had, but now like he had always suspected, Jeff had come but from a very different time to where Nick was from and whatever Jeff had grown up with, Nick had no awareness of it. It could make things really hard and awkward, but he was determined to not let it. All the other guys from home made their differences work, why wouldn't Nick and Jeff? It was just that added difficulty that there had been some sort of relationship to them and Jeff had the memories, but Nick didn't. It was somewhat comforting to hear they must have finally gotten their act together back there when Nick wasn't sure he would ever have the balls for it, but here? Here he had grown up on the island, and he was happily dating Quinn. It was different, so their friendship was going to take some time to build-up. Jeff would need to learn the island, adjust to it, and they would need to get to know each other all over again. "Everyone here will help guide you. We all have been in your shoes, which you need to remember. It's just like any other place, though. There's a hospital, doctors, therapists. You name it. If you need professional help, it's there, but people are friendly here. Most will help, though like any place, you'll get your shady characters. All sorts live here."

He sort of winced a little and shrunk back under Jeff's gaze at his question. There was distinct hesitation and it was understandable, but it was all Nick could offer for now. He didn't know this Jeff, and in turn, Jeff didn't know who he was anymore now he had grown up. He didn't think he had changed that much from when they were younger, but he had definitely grown up a lot. "You adjust. And you will. You'll wake up one day and just realise this is like home." He cleared his throat, not wanting to make anything more awkward than it already was for now. They could catch up again... when they had time to process the where the dust was settling now. "It's getting a little late, I really should get back up to the resort. I've been trying to help Quinn out as much as I can because Kurt's sort of fallen into a deep depression after Mercedes came and told him that back home, Blaine committed suicide. Kurt thinks that means he'll never come. It's just... a bit of a mess. I... shit, I'm sorry if you didn't know what about Blaine. If you want to talk, you can just give me a call or drop by." He wrote his phone and resort room numbers down on a bit of his sketch pad and tore it off to give to Jeff. "Just take some time to let things sink in, but I'm always around. Or I work down at the gallery in town."