etrelibre | [TAG SANTANA, BUT OPEN] "Love, when you're in pieces. There's no one left to dry your eyes."

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[TAG SANTANA, BUT OPEN] "Love, when you're in pieces. There's no one left to dry your eyes."

Who: Mercedes Jones and Santana Lopez (also open)
What: Letting the pain set in
Where: The Resort, by the pool
When: Post Blaine's arrival, but no one is aware yet

Mercedes was still trying to find her feet on the island. It probably wasn't helping that since getting here, there was so much unrest and confusion with Kurt and all their friends. No one knew how to take any of this, and Mercedes knew that her showing up with news of Blaine's death had crushed them all. Especially Kurt. All they had been able to do was sit there in the audience while he tried to sing that song and watch as his heart broke all over again. She had been trying to contact him by text and phone, even email and Facebook, but it all went unanswered. Quinn couldn't even tell her how Kurt was doing, because she didn't know.

It was nice to have familiar faces here, and nice to know they were in a place where Kurt was alive, but without Blaine, was it even worth it? How was she supposed to get used to living in this strange place when her beautiful BFF was in so much pain? She went to the bar to get a drink, thinking that it couldn't hurt to have one or two, but she eventually ended up taking her glass outside and found a little deserted table right up the back corner well away from any of the passers-by.

She sat down alone and was going to try texting Kurt again from her new island cell, but she decided not to this time. She had tried all day and maybe he just needed to be alone right now. It was nearing 7pm, and as awful as it was, maybe alone time to try and get her head around everything was exactly what Mercedes needed too. So why did it feel so miserable? Without even realising, she was tearing up, sitting forward with her arms resting on the tabletop as she let the tears come all over again. How had their lives back home gotten so heartbreaking and tragic? It was never supposed to end like that.

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After Mercedes' arrival, Santana had heard from Quinn that Blaine had finally given in and offed himself. But what no one knew was that Santana very much knew that. For some reason, unknown to her and anyone else watching, Santana had taken Blaine on as the fag to her hag, shocking to anyone who knew her background with both him and Kurt. The pair had very much become close friends over the years, and on their wedding day, Santana had caught the bouquet. She'd been there and watched the brutal murder that had taken their resident fabulous gay bitch from them.

And from there, just like the rest of the crowd, Santana had watched as Blaine spiraled out of control, seeking solace in bottles of pills, bottles of liquor... Pretty much any substance he could get his hands on that would dull the pain, if only for a moment. She hadn't been there the day he took his own life, instead hearing the tale from a distraught Mercedes after Blaine was pronounced dead. The story that Puck hadn't been able to call her and tell, because he hadn't spoken a word since the doctors stopped fighting to bring him back. Mercedes told her days later, before the funeral, that Puck had stood by the stretcher they had Blaine on for hours after that, holding his best friend's hand in complete silence. There had been a few times when he broke the silence to beg Blaine to come back, but he'd said nothing else the rest of that day.

The funeral had been one of the most miserable things Santana had ever experienced, closed casket, with a smiling photo of Blaine from a few days before his ill-fated wedding framed and placed on top of the casket. The Warblers who'd been friends of Blaine's back in school had gotten together to prepare a special song in memory of their friend, and a heartbroken Trent quietly explained that they'd tried many songs together while rehearsing, only one stuck out to them as fitting. The song Kurt had been singing when Blaine realized he'd fallen completely in love with him.

The flawless harmonies had filled the room as they sang, Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these sunken eyes and learn to see. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free. Blackbird, fly. Blackbird, fly into the light of the dark black night. The words had hit Santana hard and fast, as it hit her that Blaine had indeed been waiting for this moment for a long time, to be free of the pain that had haunted him for five years. With that realization had come a choked sob, and in the time it took for her to dry her eyes with a Kleenex, if only for a second, she had ended up here.

Memories of that day had haunted her dreams every night since Mercedes' arrival, and the fact was, Santana needed to see her. She'd avoided it for days, trying to rid herself of the heartwrenching memories, but when she'd gone out to the pool to have a relaxing swim, Mercedes was there. It was the moment of truth, and Santana knew she couldn't avoid it anymore. She walked over to the table where she was sitting, moving closer when she saw the other woman start to cry. "Whoa..." she said softly, her hand coming to rest on Mercedes' as she sat across the table from her. "Most people don't come to the pool to get their tears on," she said, but there was no malice or harshness in her tone at all.

Mercedes glanced up at her old friend, relieved it was Santana other than anyone else, really. She didn't want anyone to try and sugarcoat anything right now. She just wanted to feel what she was feeling without trying to dilute it. Santana had always had that hard, straight-up streak to her and both of them had managed to forge an unlikely friendship when they were together in the Troubletones. After school was behind them, any old and stupid rivalries were gone. They had all been such a tight bunch, keeping in touch as promised, until Kurt was killed. It all fell apart after that.

Quinn left, and her relationship with Puck broke down. Blaine became more and more lost. Mercedes stayed in Lima to help Puck take care of Blaine from a distance, and any of her own dreams got shed in her grief. Burt died from a heart attack, though many say it was a broken heart losing his only son. Life was never the same again. Then Blaine was suddenly gone again, and Mercedes knew what a devastating loss that was to both Puck and Santana. But Mercedes still had no clue where this Santana was from, or if she even knew how close to Blaine she had gotten over the years.

"I-I'm sorry," she stammered and fished a pack of Kleenex out of her purse so she could wipe her eyes. She had remained prepared at all times on the island, especially dealing with the Kurt thing. "It's so hard to know in this place who knows what or who has awareness of the things I do. No one seemed to know what happened to Blaine, so I have no one to share that with right now. I know none of this is easy on anyone. Kurt... Kurt was crushed when I told him. I wasn't going to, but he got angry and demanded I did."

"Hey, no apologies," Santana replied, with a firm shake of her head. "There's nothing to be sorry for here, Aretha. We all came from shitty circumstances to get here. No judgment here. Like I ever had a right to judge anybody anyway." Tossing her beach towel and her bag into the third seat, Santana leaned forward and rested her elbows on the table as Mercedes tried to explain.

Taking a deep breath, the Latina woman realized that now, she finally had a chance to share her secret with someone who would understand. And if she were honest with herself, it was pretty obvious that she wasn't the only one who needed that. Taking a deep breath, she turned to look out at the pool. It was relatively quiet for a hot summer evening, and Santana was grateful for that much at least. Dealing with other people was the last thing that either she or Mercedes needed right now, but the presence of an old friend, and one who understood? That was something.

"Listen," she said softly, uncharacteristically so for Santana. "Mercedes... I know... I know what happened to Blaine, too. I lied about it, because when I showed up here, Puck was the one who found me. He explained the whole island to me and all that, and I couldn't tell him what happened to Blaine. I... I told everybody I came from Kurt's funeral, because I couldn't look Puck in the eye and tell him that his best friend was dead. And then people kept coming, and fucking nobody knew what I did, so I just... Never said anything."

Mercedes hadn't touched her drink when push came to shove. The cosmo (in Kurt's honour) sat in the glass untouched when she realised she didn't really want to drown any feelings out. She wanted to try and deal with them somehow, that was just where she hit the brick wall. She knew her friends were here, but she felt so lonely so having Santana reach out to her like this meant more than Mercedes could express. She sat quietly listening to Santana talk and dabbed at the corners of her eyes with the tissue again. "We all did stupid things when we were kids. Ain't nothing we didn't ultimately learn from, though. We coulda turned out worst people than we did. Just happens that even though we got it right, the world still wanted to take it all away from us."

But then when Santana continued, all Mercedes could do was stare at Santana mutely for a few moments. "Y-You knew all this time Blaine was dead? Do you... do you think it helped anyone not knowing? I never wanted to tell Kurt. I think I've broken him. Like, he maybe had it all together somehow, but now he thinks there ain't anything left to hope for. I mean, is there? Can Blaine still come here or if you don't come when you die, that's just is? I don't get this place... I-I don't get how you could hold onto that for so long. How did you cope every time you looked at Kurt?"

"Somehow or another, we managed to turn out to be good people. We all thought we had this amazing bright future, and then... Then it was just gone." Pausing, she met Mercedes' gaze, a flash of memories coming to the forefront of her mind... Fights she'd had with the other woman along the way, combined with the times that they'd realized that they were much stronger united than tearing each other apart. "We had the whole world, you know? The best friends... We all stuck so close after high school... Most people can't say that."

There wasn't accusation in the way Mercedes spoke... Just a sort of quiet surprise, and Santana nodded. "I did. I knew. I don't know if it helped or not, but I couldn't... I felt like, as long as there was hope for them that Blaine might come, that maybe they could go on. I never told anyone. I mean, I guess he could still come, though. Puck came here two years after Kurt's death in real time. I was here five years after that, and we were both here for years before Kurt showed up. So Blaine could come... I don't know if he will, but it's still possible. Real time really has no bearing whatsoever on island time at all. It's strange. I held onto it because it was what I had to do for my friends... I couldn't... I couldn't tell them." Sighing, she looked at the drink sitting untouched in front of Mercedes. "We all got hammered to hell on those the night before the wedding," she said, not sure why that was the next thing out of her mouth. "I blamed myself..." she finally admitted. "And I thought if I told Puck and Kurt, they'd blame me, too."

Mercedes nodded in response but then just closed her eyes for a moment. "At least we did until Kurt was gone. Wasn't a single damn one of us that was the same after that. He took our light and hope with him. We were all scared of our own shadows after that, all left wondering if it was ever possible to be happy again. Having someone so special and kind as Kurt to be taken for no damn reason, we never knew how to get over that. I could never let go. I visited him every week at that cemetery, talked to him like he was still there with us. I never wanted to really say goodbye to him or think that I had to have a life without him. For Blaine, that was just a billion time worse. He was so sad and lost. In a way, I wonder if it was a blessing he took his life, but... but I wish he came here instead of me. I wish he came for Kurt."

"Blamed yourself for Blaine's death? That Puck and Kurt here would blame you?" It seemed like an unfathomable notion, but a very human one at that. She shook her head and watched Santana intently. "No. Blaine was sick, babe. We all know he was sick. He was sick, and no matter how much help we tried to get him, he couldn't maintain it. He didn't have enough want to fight and get better, to fight and stay alive. He just didn't. I... I don't know Puck and Kurt here very well. Kurt is so different. Puck seems much the same, just lost without Blaine. But Kurt isn't complete without Blaine. There's something missing in his eyes, he's got no light. If Blaine doesn't eventually come here, I... I... just hope he can find the strength to keep waiting and hoping. What I saw the other day when I spoke to him, though, and how he was last night? I dunno. I really don't. Is this place really a saviour at all if it can't give you the people you need to survive?"

Dark eyes filled with tears as Santana nodded her agreement to Mercedes. "I know. I don't think any of us realized until he was gone how much of our joy and energy we drew directly from him. He was like this... socket that we all just plugged into. He was a part of our world that we couldn't live without. Especially not Blaine. I spent years wondering why the fuck this world was so sick that it would spite someone as amazing as Kurt his true love and his happy ending. He and Blaine should've grown old together... They should've had gorgeous little babies that their hags carried for them, and raised them and seen their damn grandchildren. And instead, they... They had that all taken away from them in the blink of an eye. How were any of us supposed to go on after that? Burt... Losing Burt was like... It was like the whole group of us lost our dad. Then Q leaving Puck... That's why I wasn't there when Blaine died. I went to try and get Q to come back because Puckerman was such a fucking wreck, and we all needed each other..."

"I don't even know why, if I'm honest," Santana replied, a few tears escaping from dark eyelashes, and rolling in mascara-stained streaks down her cheeks. "I think I thought maybe if I'd been there with you two, the three of us might have been able to save him... Like... stayed on suicide watch and just looked out for him when he was falling apart. Kurt here... he's not rational about it. I can't say I would be either, if I'd had my lover taken from me like that, married or no. Puck worries me. I think he and Mike have gotten closer, but he told me that at first, no one even knew he'd married Quinn. Pretty sure he told Mike, but he didn't want her to ever find out. I really don't know what it is about the island, but it has its ways or whatever. They just don't make much sense sometimes.

Without word or hesitation, Mercedes took some Kleenex from her little pack and pressed them into Santana's palm. This was so painful on everyone. Mercedes knew she was the new arrival and it was all still really screwing with her head considering the scene she left behind, but she could see that it wasn't any less aching for those who had been here for awhile. Sure, they had tried to put it behind them and forge a life on the island, but the tragedy they left behind was always still at the backs of their minds. Especially for Santana, who was only now revealing she knew of Blaine's death and had been carrying that secret around with her here to try and protect Kurt and Puck. She gave a tiny nod, but after a moment of though, just shook it helplessly again. "Quinn wouldn't have come back. She reacted the opposite to how I did. I didn't feel like I could leave Lima after it all happened so I could just... I don't know. I never found the answer to that. But Quinn couldn't cope there without Kurt. She couldn't face any facet of our life without him there as a part of it. I know it was devastating their marriage fell apart and they never got their own happily ever after, but it was just another thing that was stolen when Kurt was taken from us."

"They... they warned us. In sort of a veiled way. Saying things like as long as Blaine took his medication, he should be okay. The thing was, he was never quite unstable enough to warrant being kept in hospital and watched. He was never unstable, he was just sad and miserable. Nothing had pleasure in it anymore, he was just going through the motions. It was almost like he gave himself five years to see if he could survive without Kurt, but when it hit that moment and he couldn't, he just gave up. He didn't even do it at home so none of us would have the burden of cleaning up. There was no note, no nothing. He wanted to do it." She sniffled and wiped her own eyes again. "You know what I think? I think it's time we alls stopped keeping secrets from each other here. Shit's gotten real and we're here together. We gotta keep it real or none of this will work, none of us will know how to take care of each other if we all got secrets."

Santana gratefully took the tissues from Mercedes, trying to wipe up streams of tears rolling down her cheeks. There were days in the past she'd let herself believe that maybe it was all a bad dream... That Blaine and Kurt were both okay, and she'd just had a horrible, long nightmare. But deep down, she knew it wasn't true. And now, she got the sickening feeling that Kurt wasn't going to hold on much longer without Blaine. She had no idea how the hell to handle that. She and Kurt had gotten very close over the years, and she'd more or less become the hag to Blaine's fag. And to watch her dear friends suffer the most horrible of fates was something that had very nearly killed her, too. She glanced over at Mercedes with a nod. "I know... I knew when I went. But I had to feel like I was at least trying to do something... anything that might help fix things. But there was no fixing it. Not without Kurt there. No fucking way. He was our driving force. He's the glue that held us all together. Without him there, it was... It was hopeless. Nothing would ever go back to how it was supposed to be, because he was supposed to be there."

"Yeah. They did," Santana admitted quietly. "I think keeping Blaine going was the only thing that kept most of us going. Our lives just fucking fell apart on us, but most of us kept fighting because we were hoping we could save Blaine... But there was no saving him, and maybe there was no saving us, either. Blaine and Kurt... They taught me so much about how to be myself, how to live proud of who I was and stand up for myself without being a total cunt every time. And then, everything they deserved... All the beauty that was waiting for them in married life? It just got ripped away from them. It wasn't fair. It was fucked up. There was nothing any of us could've done, but I still feel so goddamn guilty, 'Cedes... I still... Fuck..." She hid her face in her hands for a long few moments, shaking her head in exhaustion. "Nothing makes sense anymore. Nothing. This island is amazing, but... Without Kurt and Blaine being together? It feels... It feels stupid and pointless... Like a waste of space." Still, she had to give a small nod of agreement to Mercedes. "You're right. There are enough secrets in this place without us adding to them by keeping them from each other. We're all we've got... Just like always."

Mercedes jut lowered her eyes, still grieving over what she had witnessed with Blaine's death. She wasn't even sure she had even managed to move on from Kurt's, so it was like double the impact. They would have been the last two people Mercedes pegged to die young. She always saw them in her heart as growing old together, exactly like in The Notebook, how Kurt always professed it would be. Then all of a sudden they were both gone, and no one even had a chance to understand life without Kurt. Now she had been brought to the island to discover Kurt was here with his second chance, but not Blaine. It made no sense. "I... I told Kurt what I knew, but I wish now I hadn't. He seemed like he was keeping his head above water the best he could. But he asked me, and I ain't ever been able to say not to that boy. What if he can't get over hearing 'bout Blaine's death? If Blaine could do it back home because he couldn't live without Kurt, maybe Kurt can do it here?"

"You know the strangest part 'bout losing Kurt? We had all been so determined to get outta Lima. We needed it like air. We were gonna do it, we were gonna love life and make something of ourselves. He was right up there leading the charge too. Then he was... gone. And it just tethered us all to Lima like wouldn't couldn't go because it felt like we were leaving him. At least, that's how I felt. Blaine never went without Kurt either. Puck stayed for Blaine. A lot of us stayed. Quinn left, but she always sorta had a tendency of flight when the going got tough. But now we're all here, and Blaine still ain't. I just wanted him die, and I feel like I gotta grieve, but everyone is all from different times here and it's screwing with my damn head. Plus, it's killing me inside to know it was me who sent Kurt into that crushed and broken mess we saw at the Karaoke bar. How do we get through any of this when one of our biggest pieces is still missing?"

The knowledge of what she and Mercedes had experienced was something Santana had struggled with for a long time. She'd been here all this time, lying through her teeth about where she came from, because she'd been... afraid? grieving herself? guilt-ridden? None of those particular explanations could entirely explain it away. It was more of a mix of all of the above. "I know, babe. I know that no one in this fucking world wanted to be the person to have to tell Kurt that Blaine was... Was gone. I didn't have the balls to do it. I guess in a way I owe you an apology for leaving that alone so that you ended up being the one who had to break the news. I should've done it forever ago and saved you the heartbreak. I should've... done a lot of things that I didn't do. And I just don't... I don't know how Kurt will deal now... He might not be okay, and I don't know how any of us will do with losing him again. We can't. It's too much."

"I know what you mean," Santana replied, exhaustion setting in, and coming out in her voice. "I couldn't go. It was like we were all clinging to each other like that would somehow bring him back... Like we thought the combined effort of all of us would pull him right back to life if we just... Fuck, I don't know. It doesn't make any goddamn sense, but it's how it was. We need Blaine here. And I don't know if he's ever coming. But if he doesn't, I think Kurt's second chance to live really isn't worth all that much to him. He needs Blaine. We all do."

"I guess me showing up all right from when Blaine died has stirred everything up for you after you tried to just keep it hidden," Mercedes murmured in realisation. It had to have been near impossible for Santana to try and keep all that to herself. First, everyone was from a different place, so trying to analysing if there was even someone she could tell had to be hard enough. Then to look at Kurt - one of her best friends - knowing his husband hadn't ultimately made it either had to have been awful for Santana. Mercedes gave Santana's hand another comforting squeeze, showing her she wasn't alone. "I wouldn't have been as strong as you. I never really hid my feelings as well as you and Kurt did, and I guess that got me into more trouble than anything over the time. I even caved as soon as he demanded to know because I'm weak. I told myself I wouldn't tell him after Puck filled me in that Kurt had been trying to survive for two years without Blaine... waiting for him."

"I... I know if you come from when you're dying, you can't go back. I don't know. Maybe a year down the track we'll have a suicidal, empty Blaine show up on the beach? I hope we don't, though. Towards the end there, Blaine was gone completely. It was just his shell. He had no light, no shine in his eyes, no laughter or happiness left in him. Kurt's Blaine was gone. If that Blaine comes here? I don't even think he will be well enough to fix. If he comes, I hope it's from before then, from a time we have a chance to bring him back to the sweetheart Kurt fell in love with," she said quietly, sighing. This was hard, and it was like her head was constantly aching right now.

"Maybe just a little," Santana admitted, taking a sip of her drink. It was the damned truth, but regardless, she was glad Mercedes was here. As painful as it was to relive the whole thing, it was a relief to have someone here she could admit the awful truth to. She'd kept it on the hush for so long... buried it deep down inside to the point that it had scarred her, whether she wanted to admit it or not. Kurt had been a lot of things to her over the years, one of them being her best friend, and often her biggest rival. But no matter what he had been to her, there was no way she ever could've prepared herself for this. For having to carry the secret that his lover, his best friend, his husband... His whole world was so lost without him that nothing would ever be the same. How the hell did you look someone you loved in the eye and tell them that the person they loved more than life itself was dead? What must Mercedes have gone through in having to tell Kurt that? It broke her heart. With a tired sigh, Santana squeezed the other woman's hand right back. "Maybe you were right to do it, though," she said softly. "Maybe I was wrong to lie."

"God... I don't think there would be a shot in hell of bringing Blaine back if he came like that," Santana said, her voice pained and broken. "He was so... So broken. He wasn't our Blaine. He hadn't been since Kurt took his last breath. We need him, 'Cedes. We need Blaine, and I can't... I can't accept that this fucking island can't see that. We need him here... Kurt needs him here, and I can't fucking believe that he was brought here for a second chance so he could drown in the misery of not having the one person he gave every part of himself to and loved beyond all sense and reason. It's... How does that make any fucking sense?"

Mercedes shook her head. "You didn't lie. You just didn't reveal. From the way I hear it, Kurt's survival tactic on the island without Blaine was his hope Blaine was gonna come. It didn't really matter when, but if he could wake up each day hoping that today might be the day he does get here, Kurt could keep getting up each day. Sometimes we gotta have something that keeps us going. Back home, it was trying to take care of Blaine that kept us all going, because we made some sorta unwritten pact to Kurt that we would if he couldn't. It's why I never left Lima. As long as Blaine stayed, I was gonna too. But we failed. It was out of our hands, because Blaine just didn't wanna go on without Kurt. He didn't have that hope that Kurt was going to come back like Kurt had for Blaine here. I just hope I ain't made it impossible for Kurt to keep waking up each day now. He's gotta still believe there's a chance Blaine might come."

She shook her head. "None. I think the whole workings of the island would just impact on his psychological strain. Kurt being alive here could well drive him crazy." She put her hand over her face and sucked in a shaky breath. "Lying on that stretcher, we knew he was gone. They worked on him the whole drive to the ER in the ambulance, and they they hooked him up to all these things when they got there and kept going, but it was no use. Puck held his hand the entire time until they shoved us away to get him into the the little bay where they do all the work on the critical patients. We could see it through the glass windows. And then they just... stopped. Turned the monitors off, disconnected the tubes and the wires. He was just... gone. Just like Kurt was that night. But they didn't even try with Kurt. Even the ambulance drove away without the lights or sirens."

"I was lucky in a way... I wasn't there when he actually died, and when I came here to the island, it was from Blaine's funeral, so I was in the middle of this quiet somber moment. Nobody could tell what had happened, and when I found out what people did and didn't know, I just figured it was better for everyone if they didn't have to hear what happened to Blaine. Maybe I was wrong. And it probably wasn't really my right to make that choice for everyone anyway. Everybody's entitled to information, especially where it concerns them. It wasn't my place or my right to decide that they shouldn't hear the truth. I thought I was doing the right thing. Now I'm not sure... I keep hoping he'll show up. I never met anybody here who committed suicide in the real world. I don't know if that means that they don't come here, or if I just haven't met anyone yet." She sighed heavily, the exhaustion of keeping a secret like this for so long finally hitting her fast and hard.

Her shoulders slumped after a moment, and she just buried her face in her hands for a moment, trying to pull herself together. She remembered that she'd been planning, after the funeral, to talk to Mercedes about what happened. It had been a horrible thing, all of them at a loss because, with Kurt's death, Blaine had already died years before. Maybe not physically, but in every other possible way. "'Cedes... I don't know what we'll do if we lose Kurt here, too, just like we lost him at home. But I don't know how much time we have before he gives up on living at all."

Mercedes shook her head. "That's not lucky. Knowing that is not lucky, especially coming here and learning that Kurt has no idea about it. It's still blowing my mind that he's even here. I wanted to pin him down and check his pulse, even if he was standing there looking at me. Just, coming right from Blaine dying and landing here to be told Kurt did die, but only back there and he's still alive here, but there's not Blaine. Why can't the world just realise they're meant to be together? It doesn't matter damn well where they let them be together, but why keep tearing them apart like this? I dunno how Kurt has even gone this long waiting, either. I ain't ever really experience true love I don't think, but I can't even imagine how it could be to have it and then have it ripped all away from you. It's why I guess that, even though it was awful to witness, it wasn't really surprising when Blaine died. His heart already shut down the day we lost Kurt and how can anyone really live without your heart functioning? Which I guess... it means Kurt's heart is still functioning on something here. Hope, maybe? What if I've ruined all of that?"

"I... how has he been here?" she asked uncertainly, her voice wary because she was scared of the answers. "He's been here two years Puck said, how has Kurt been? What has he done to get him through this far? Can we help him keep doing that?"

"There are some people who think that the island brings you the people you need at the right time. But I think it's bullshit. Because Kurt has needed Blaine since day one. How do you fucking arrive on an island with multiple holes in you, and not need your goddamn other half to be there for you? It's bullshit." Santana had never fully gotten over her anger at the island for not bringing Blaine to Kurt already. It wasn't right seeing Kurt live every single day without Blaine. "I guess. It has to be hope, because he hasn't got much of anything else left."

"Lost," she said slowly, running her finger along the bumps in the table. "Lonely. He's started smoking and drinking heavily. He's losing hope though, Mercedes. He's losing the belief that Blaine might come, because it's already been so long. It's hard to keep believing at this point. I don't know how much longer he can hold on... Or if anything we could do will help."

Mercedes didn't have the answers. She hadn't been on the island for very long and there was still a large piece of her convinced this was all some weird dream she was going to wake up from. She just knew she didn't want to wake up because that would mean she was back in reality where Blaine had just committed suicide and Kurt had been dead for five years. That wasn't a reality she wanted to go back to. The bigger part of her was happy to be here on the island forever where Kurt was alive and breathing. But the big question mark over whether Blaine would come here or not and from when he would come, but maybe that was all the lesser of two evils? "But... back there, it's worse. I know it's probably easy to get all angry 'bout the fact Blaine ain't here, but... back there? They're both gone, and the world ain't a very nice place no more. Maybe the island doesn't bring you people you need, maybe it just brings you to the people you need at the time you need them most? He's got his life here, which he ain't got back home and won't ever get back at home."

She shook her head. "Probably not. Lasting as long as he has without Blaine is probably a feat in itself. Blaine didn't last out back home. They gotta be together, they don't work without each other. If Kurt wants to sabotage his second chance here 'cause it's too painful to live without Blaine, it probably ain't something we can stop. Maybe now I ruined it all telling him Blaine ain't made it back home, I crushed his hope. I think you were right now telling him. I just dunno if I can sit back and watch him die all over again. I ain't ever managed to deal with it the first time."

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[TAG SANTANA, BUT OPEN] "Love, when you're in pieces. There's no one left to dry your eyes."

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