etrelibre | [ARRIVAL, TAG PUCK] "Reminisce some time, the night they took my friend."

Entry tags:

[ARRIVAL, TAG PUCK] "Reminisce some time, the night they took my friend."

Who: Mercedes Jones and Noah Puckerman
Where: The beach, just near the resort
Time of Day: Late evening
Open or Closed: Closed

Mercedes heart was pounding harder and more fast in her chest than it ever had. She felt like she was going to have a heart attack, but it was just adrenaline and shock. Total and utter shock. Unlike anything she had ever felt before. There was a ringing in her ears too. She just stood there watching the younger ER doctor adorned in light blue scrubs as he continued to speak, but it was like nothing was commuting anymore. She clung to Puck's side, her fingers sunk into his arm in a vice-like grip as her legs began to feel like jelly. Puck had paled beyond belief. He didn't even look just sick, he looked like he was going to pass out. In fact, it was right that minute as Mercedes dark eyes flicked to Puck's face to check if he was okay, that Puck did just that. He slumped hard in against her and her arms closed around him, catching him before he fell. The doctor reached out to help, but as Mercedes stumbled under the added weight to her legs, she didn't fall to the cold, hard linoleum ground of the Lima Emergency Room, her knees fell to warm sand and the sound and scent of the ocean lapping engulf her senses, capturing the nauseating sterile hospital smell and evaporating it.

A reflexive stunned gasp fell from her lips. It was night time, but the hospital was gone. Puck was gone, the doctor was gone. On god, the shock of what had just happened hit her like a tonne of bricks and horrified sob escaped her and echoed through the sea air. "PUCK!" she screamed out, looking around frantically with another panicked sob. What the hell was going on?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The beach was sometimes the only place that Puck could come to think. Granted, most of the time, there were people around, but generally, they were involved in their own worlds, and left him alone. It wasn't as if Puck hadn't managed to make a lot of friends on the island, and there were definitely times when someone would greet him, or make polite conversation, but it was relatively quiet this evening. He was sitting a little way down the beach, right at the shore, where the ocean lapped gently against his bare feet. It had been several days since what would've been Kurt and Blaine's anniversary, and Puck honestly wasn't sure why it was getting to him so much worse this time than before... Maybe it was because Kurt was there, and had been for a while now, and Puck could see the pain in him... It had definitely gotten worse for Puck since Kurt arrived. There was an all-encompassing need in Puck to protect Kurt from the truth. Not because he didn't think Kurt had a right to it, but because he owed it to Blaine. Blaine, his best friend who he fucking missed every goddamn day. Blaine, the guy he'd trusted with any and everything for as long as he could remember. Puck was getting a lot closer to 30 than he would've liked to admit. At least in island time. There was no way of knowing how old his reality-self was right now. Or if there even was a comparable "right now" to the island's "right now." But either way. The fact was simple... Before everything changed with the ill-fated wedding day? Blaine had been his best friend. And he wasn't anymore... wasn't even there. No matter how angry Blaine had gotten, how badly he'd fought to push Puck away? Puck had never given up on him. Maybe that was what made it so hard. Not knowing what had happened after that. Had things gotten better? Were he and Blaine okay now? He'd always imagined this life where he and Blaine were both happily married, and making plans for their kids to marry each other, but the sad fact was, it didn't fucking matter. It never had, from the moment Kurt had breathed his last. Blaine would never love anyone else. There would be no surrogate babies of awesome for Klaine, and Puck and Quinn hadn't ever gotten around to starting a family of their own. It was never going to be what he'd dreamed of. Not now.

In the midst of the sounds of waves, and people talking off in the distance, and the random dog barking, Puck was completely lost in his own thoughts. Thoughts that left his heart heavy and broken. It had been forever since he'd gotten to the island. And his wife had arrived years later, but much younger, and there was still something strange to him about seeing her with Nick. It was just mind-blowing how different this whole situation was to the life that he knew, and sometimes, even after all this time? That was depressing.

As lost as he was in his own thoughts, it was a sharp jolt back to reality when he heard a familiar, if strained and broken voice calling his name in the distance. Glancing up from where he was, he could see... Holy shit, was that Mercedes? Pushing himself up from the ground, he took off at a full sprint down the beach to where she was, still on her knees, sobbing uncontrollably. "Mercedes," he said, looking down at the new arrival, and trying to figure out for the life of him why she would immediately call for him at her arrival and not someone else, like Quinn. Unless... Fuck, unless she came from later than he did, and something happened to Quinn. "Mercedes, I'm here, okay... Listen, this place is real, and you're okay... It's all going to be okay."

Edited 2012-08-11 12:51 (UTC)

It was five years to the day since they lost Kurt in the most horrific way possible. Shot dead right there in front of all their wedding guests by a gang of homophobes. He and Blaine had been waiting for their limo to drive them to the airport for their honeymoon. They had been so happy. Happier than Mercedes had ever seen anyone. Then all of a sudden those horrible sounds of gunshot and Kurt was down on the ground, covered in blood. He died right there in Blaine's arms just a few minutes later and none of their lives had been the same since. Everything had gone down hill from there. Literally, nothing was the same. It took people a long time to even abate in their shock, but no one suffered more than Blaine himself. He never got beyond it, and he just fell into a deeper and darker misery to the point he was diagnosed with depression and was in and out of mental health facilities to try and get better. But it never worked, and now this... this was never supposed to happen. If Kurt was alive, he would never forgive them for not taking care of his One True Love when he couldn't.

She had just been at Kurt's grave earlier in the day, talking to him like he was there with her. It had been the only way Mercedes had been able to cope with losing him. She visited him ever week, and it was why she was even still in Lima. She couldn't leave him. She stayed, she never pursued any of her music dreams and ended up a teacher at McKinley High after attending OSU. Still, every week without fail, she visited Kurt where he was buried beside his mom and she stayed close to be with Blaine and keep an eye on him. He and Kurt had been planning moving to New York after their wedding, but of course, that never happened. Blaine stayed and kept pushing people away. No one was ever able to get close enough to help him and now it was too late.

Tears were streaming down her face and she shook her head. The sound of the heart monitor flatlining was ringing in her ears as they rushed the gurney into the ER. But it was just too late. "It's not! It's not! He's dead! He's dead, you saw! He killed himself! He didn't want to live! And he told me that. He told me. He was at the cemetery, and he told me! I couldn't have stopped it, but I just thought he wanted to be alone! We didn't take care of him!" she sobbed brokenly.

Mercedes was inconsolable, and nothing Puck could do was going to help. But for the life of him, he couldn't figure out why. Maybe she'd come from right after Kurt's death. Maybe she'd just watched him die. But then she was talking about someone killing himself, and Puck felt sick. Sick and heartbroken, because it only made sense... There was no one else it could've been... No one else who would've killed himself with Mercedes and Puck there. No... No, it couldn't be Blaine. It fucking couldn't be Blaine. Not after all the hours Puck had spent praying that his best friend would be okay. Not after spending every fucking day trying to protect him. Not after all of that. It couldn't be Blaine. It just couldn't.

"Mercedes, babe, calm down here for me a second, okay? It's... Listen... I don't know what you just came from, but I've been here for years. I didn't just see anybody die. Listen, this island... it's kind of an enchanted deal. You come here when something happens in the real world that makes you just... I don't know, need a break, I guess is the best way to put it. You're here because you needed to escape from reality." Still, it was shaking him to his core what she was saying. Because as much as he tried to deny it, there was a part of him that knew it had to be true. It was the only thing that made sense in his mind.

"'Cedes," he said quietly, a small choked sob dying in his throat. "Please tell me you're not talking about who I think you're talking about."

Edited 2012-08-11 14:47 (UTC)

"Who else would it be?!" Mercedes practically screamed at him, giving him a rough shove in near hysterical frustration. Why didn't he get this?! "You just watched him die! You watched him die! Why are you being like this?! Why are you talking like this? You can't pretend it didn't happen! Th-there's no island of suspended reality, Puck! Blaine is really dead! He's gone! They turned off all the machines! You saw it!" She had grabbed the sleeves of his shirt now, giving him a frantic shake to try and get him to see sense, because she couldn't do any of this without him.

But then she stopped, freezing as her head whipped around. There was no hospital. There was no glass wall separating them from Blaine's unmoving form on the hospital gurney. No wires and tubes hanging from him lifelessly. There was sand and water and some extremely large building looming up behind them. There was music and voices in the distance and little lamps lining sidewalks like they would at a holiday resort. "I-I'm going crazy... I've lost it. This is some bad dream. This is a bad dream, right?! I'm going to wake up and Blaine will be alive, and we can stop him doing something stupid! That's it. That's what this is! That's why it's all changed, because it's a horrible nightmare.

But she pinched her fingers to the skin on her arm - sharply - and it hurt. She froze, staring down at her arm and them looked back up at Puck, more tears spilling down her cheeks. "No... no, no, no... no! Tell me how to go back! I have to go back! I have to be there for him! I have to make sure they look after him so he can get to Kurt! He would want to be buried with him! I have to tell them that!"

And just like that, Puck's whole world crumbled around him for what seemed like the millionth fucking time. Blaine was dead. Blaine had killed himself... He hadn't saved him. He hadn't been enough. None of them had. It was fucking over and there wasn't a goddamn thing Puck could do about it but stand here looking at Mercedes in shock... Or... maybe it wasn't shock so much as heartbreak. As broken as Blaine had been, it wasn't really surprising that he'd choose to end his own life. If it could even be called a life after he'd lost Kurt. "B... Blaine..." Puck murmured, shaking his head and raising his hand to his head, pressing his thumb and middle finger against his temples. "Mercedes, no... He killed... He killed himself? No."

How the hell could this be happening? Why the fuck could the universe just give them a fucking break... And not like some stupid island that you went to for an undetermined amount of time, only to go back eventually. A break where maybe for once life didn't keep turning out so fucking horrible and biting you in the ass. "No, 'Cedes... It's not a dream. It's not a fucking dream, and it's too late. Blaine's..." He couldn't say it. He couldn't say that Blaine was dead. He couldn't let himself fucking accept it, because when he'd left, Blaine had been alive. Miserable, and in constant pain emotionally, but alive. And now he was just dead?

Puck shook his head. "No," he said, suddenly embracing her, because she needed it, and honestly, so did she. "No. You're... You're still there, 'Cedes. You're there and you're here. I know it sounds crazy, but if and when you go back, you'll be right were you were before you came here... And you won't ever remember being here. Blaine's..." Funeral? Burial? Those were some other words that Puck couldn't bring himself to say just yet. "Blaine's stuff'll be taken care of. Burt... Burt'll take care of him. We will take care of him."

Mercedes just shook her head a little, feeling helpless. She was so confused and her heart was aching at just losing Blaine. "You were there. You called me. You were worried about him on their anniversary. You thought because it was five years, Blaine would be more upset than usual. You went to his place but his neighbour told you he was at work, so you went to the bar. But he wasn't performing and the jerk who owned the place didn't know where Blaine was. He was supposed to be there but didn't turn up for his performance. That's when you looked around and you... you found him. In the bathrooms. Overdosed on all his medication. That's when you called me and I met you at the hospital but it was too late... it was too late..." she broke off with another sob.

She accepted the hug gratefully, feeling like the world had just exploded around her and... had it? What the hell was all this? She was a religious girl, totally loyal, and she didn't believe in stuff like this beyond what was written in the bible. Of course, over the past few years since Kurt was so horribly taken from them, her faith had waned. She stopped going to church every week when things stopped making sense. She kept praying for Blaine to be helped and saved, but that didn't even work. Maybe Kurt was right all along? Maybe God and the bible was nothing but a giant farce? But when Puck got to the last bit, she pulled back, frowning at him in confusion through her tears. "What are you talking about? Why don't you understand any of this? You were there for it all! Burt passed away a year ago. From a heart attack, remember? You stood in their kitchen when Carole told you she thought he died of a broken heart over losing Kurt. They buried him beside Kurt and his mom. Why don't you remember this?" she asked tearfully.

"I might have been there, but not me..." Puck replied, as if that made any sense at all. "The Puck who was there with you... who called you? That's me, but I haven't gotten there yet if that makes any sense. I've been on the island since about two years after Kurt died. But Kurt's here, too. People can come here when they die, but..." Somewhere in Puck's mind, the logic that Kurt showed up here from a time long before the time Puck left, at a time far later than Puck's arrival was lost on him at the moment, and a sickening thought hit him in the gut. What if it was too late? What if Blaine's death, and the fact that Mercedes had come, but Blaine hadn't meant... Meant that Blaine wasn't coming here? Wouldn't he have come when he died, at the same time as Mercedes? And that was something Puck wasn't ready to deal with just yet.

"Burt's gone, too?" Puck asked in shock. "B... But... No. Fuck, no. Blaine pushed us all away, and Burt's gone... I came here after he and I had a huge fight. He basically told me to fuck off... He didn't need my help. What he needed was Kurt, and if I couldn't get him that, there was nothing I could do to help." And then Puck was shaking his head, choking on his own sobs as they fought their way to the surface. He had to tell Mercedes the rest of this before she found out on her own and freaked out. "Listen, 'Cedes... Before we go back up to the resort, there's a few things you should know. Quinn's here, but she doesn't know that we're married. And Kurt's here, too. Kurt arrived about two years ago, when he died in the real world. Lots of people we know are here, but they all came from different times." He sighed, shaking his head as he hugged her again. No matter what they'd fucking done, it was too late to save Blaine. And it was probably too late for him to come here, too. "Cedes, babe, we gotta get you to the resort, okay? You need a place to stay."

It was too much for Mercedes to wrap her head around. She put her hands up and her fingers laced into her curly hair as she just knelt there looking at Puck when words began to failure her for a moment. First they had just sat there and witnessed Blaine die, take his own life because he was so heartbroken without Kurt, and now Puck was here... a different Puck, from a different time, and they were apparently on some island far, far away from their home. How the hell was she supposed to believe this? To understand it? Two years after Kurt's death would put Puck... right around the time of his divorce. She remembered how his marriage had fallen apart after his friendship with Blaine disintegrated. Blaine was never the same person after Kurt died. How could he be? Anything that was happy and pure and bright about Blaine just died right along with Kurt.

She gave another shake of her head and her breath left her in a shaky rush. "I-I-I..." she stammered in shock, and wiped some more tears from her face when they fell for grief setting in over Blaine and renewed ache for losing Kurt. K-Kurt... Quinn... I... I don't... I-I don't... Kurt's dead. He can't be... he's not... Quinn's gone... she left, and you... she..." Sentences were impossible and she looked around at the surrounding beach, more tears welling up. "Are you telling me Kurt's alive?" she finally asked in a whisper.

Edited 2012-08-12 13:52 (UTC)

Puck could see the same confusion on Mercedes' face that he'd seen on the faces of so many new arrivals along the way. The realization that this was a different world, and it wasn't just going to suddenly go right back to being the same way it was before. "Mercedes, I know it sounds crazy, but it's true. This island is real, and it's unlike any place I've ever been or seen. You won't go back until the island decides you're ready. Nobody really knows that that point is, because people just disappear when they go back, and if they're ever here again, they have no memory of the first time they were here."

All of Puck's worst fears had come true in the real world, as Mercedes told him, though in a broken, disjointed way. "I know Kurt's dead," Puck replied after a moment. "Some people come here when they die, only they can't leave. Because there's nowhere to go but back to a dead body, and that's... Pointless." Quinn's gone. She left. Those words should've shocked him more, but they didn't. They just hurt more than anything, and he didn't address them. Before Kurt and Blaine's wedding, Puck and Quinn had been happily married, trying for a baby, looking forward to starting a new chapter of their lives together. The tenderness and love that they'd shared had been so strong and special that Puck had been sure in those days that nothing would ever take it away from them. And then the world fell apart around him. Kurt died, and Quinn couldn't cope. They'd both needed comfort, and while Puck had tried to seek it in protecting Blaine and trying to hold onto his wife and their marriage, Quinn had closed herself off from him completely. Before he'd even arrived here, he had barely touched Quinn in the years since Kurt's death. She'd become more withdrawn, quiet, barely even talking to him most days, until Puck already felt like he'd lost her. It only made sense that she would really leave him one day when it got too much to bear. "Kurt's... He's not alive in the real world. But he's alive here."

"You're right, it sounds crazy right after I just watched Blaine die and I've been visiting Kurt's grave every week for five years!" Mercedes sobbed out when the shock started to ebb away in favour of feeling like her heart was breaking all over again. She realised Puck might not want to deal with this right now, but she felt like she was rapidly losing it and she just had to pause for a minute to try and maintain a grip on her composure. It was a miracle she even still had it now. Her hands were shaking as she covered her face with them, till hearing that buzz of the heart monitor ringing in her ears. "He looks so small on that hospital bed. So small and... and still, with tubes hanging all off him after it was too late. He was gone before they even made it to the hospital..."

She dropped her hands down to look at Puck again, even if his image was blurring up with the waves of tears. "I-Is he okay? How is he? Can I see him? Please, can you take me to him to see him? Even if this is all just some weird dream I'm going to wake up from, please, please take me to him so I can just see him one last time."

Five years. Blaine had made it five years without Kurt. Five years that very clearly were too long and too miserable and beyond Blaine's ability to cope with. And Puck felt sick to his stomach thinking about it. And then Mercedes was recounting the scene to him and Puck could almost see it... Blaine's tiny body in a hospital bed as doctors and machines fought to keep him alive and lost their battle. He had to close his eyes for a moment to try and keep back the tears that were fighting to come to the surface. Mercedes needed him. He'd failed in saving Blaine, but he wouldn't fail in being there for Mercedes.

"I... He's brokenhearted without B," Puck admitted, with a small shake of his head. "It's been two years since he got here... He's still wearing his wedding ring. But... I don't think it's a good idea until after I let him know you're here. Jeff showed up the other day, and Kurt flipped the fuck out because it wasn't Blaine... He needs to know you're here and process that Blaine's not first, okay?"

Two years, Mercedes had learned, could be a hell of a long time when you were broken and hurting. That meant Kurt was only married two years here, but for Mercedes, it had been five very long years. Two years, Blaine was just keeping his head above water but it all got too much. He started to take drugs and drink to drown out the pain, and he pushed people away more and more so that the only way they could help him was watching him from afar. But that hadn't been enough. Not even close, and now Blaine was gone to. Part of her was relieved he would be with Kurt, but the rest of all this was blowing her mind. Kurt's death had drawn him here to some other place to protect him? None of it made any sense at all, but it was comforting on some level, right?

Hearing that Kurt might not want to see her hurt, though, but she gave a tiny nod. "But I... I don't get it. If Kurt came here when he died, why didn't Blaine? Why did I come and not Blaine? Was it because we were too late? Why didn't it bring him sooner? Ain't no one I've ever known more miserable than Blaine became in these past few years, Puck. He wasn't someone none of us knew no more. He... was sick, see. Had depression real bad and he was in and out of mental hospitals, on loads of medications. But he was taking other drugs too, and drinking a real lot. I-I guess what he did was something we were all afraid of, but he wouldn't always let us help. Sometimes he did. He would let us take him food or spend some time with him. He's been so sad and lonely since Kurt died. If this place is such a wonderful thing, why ain't it gotten him here before he did this?"

Puck shrugged broad shoulders by way of response, because the truth was? He had no fucking clue why the island didn't bring them Blaine, too. He needed Blaine there, and Kurt definitely did, too. "I don't get it either. Trust me, I've been asking myself that for years. I've been here... A really fuckin' long time. And all that time, I've been wondering why Blaine wasn't here. He was going through so much hell... Everybody says the island has its reasons, but I don't understand them, and honestly? It pisses me the fuck off."

"I wanted to help him," Puck said. "I wanted to, and I fucking tried, and... He wouldn't let me. He told me to go, that he didn't need my help and he sure as hell didn't want it, and I just... Left. I prayed for him every day you know... I kept hoping that he'd find his way." Turning his head to the side for a moment and focusing in on the light of the moon. It had all come down to that. And all he could think of was that Blaine wasn't coming, now. He wouldn't be coming here. He was gone, and that was that.

Edited 2012-08-16 18:42 (UTC)

Mercedes just sat there miserably again, trying to regain her composure, but she just ended up dissolving into tears again. "He's gone... h-he's gone. Blaine's gone. He... I knew it. There was this paleness to him, just the same as when we lost Kurt. You were trying to give him CPR until the ambulance came, but you knew too. We both did, but we didn't give up! We didn't, we tried. If Kurt ever knew we didn't take care of Blaine and save him, he would hate us forever. How can I tell him something like this? Do I even tell him? Is he even going to ever wanna talk to me because I ain't Blaine? I-I miss him. The ache inside ain't ever gone since they took him away. Nothing was ever the same. It was always empty."

She once again tried to brush the tears away, but more just kept coming. "You did try to protect Blaine. You never stopped. He pushed y'all away, and after that he just kept slipping away. You would go visit him in the hospital when he was in, but when he didn't wanna see you, you still sat outside the door of his room on the floor for the entire visiting hours in case he changed his mind. You tried baking cookies, or taking him DVDs of his favourite movies. The times he did let you in, he would just sit there and not say anything or answer you in single word answers. About the only words he would string together in a sentence was remind you to take flowers to Kurt because he couldn't. Kurt's grave was never without fresh flowers. Blaine visited him every day, 'cept when he was in the hospital. And you'd do it too. You'd leave the hospital, take Kurt flowers, and then come over to see me and tell me nothing changed with Blaine's condition. He died inside that day with Kurt. As horrible as it sounds, they both shoulda been taken."

Puck felt relatively sure he was going to puke up his guts. The thought of Blaine dying like that made him sick to his stomach, and he just stared at Mercedes, feeling himself want to start retching right there. "He's just... I should've looked after him better, 'Cedes. We could've stopped it..." But even as he said the words, Puck knew they weren't true. They couldn't have stopped it. Their Blaine -- the Blaine they knew and loved, who laughed and joked with them, and danced on furniture -- that Blaine had died the moment Kurt had breathed his last. It only bore to follow logically that his body would die, too... And sooner rather than later if he could help it. "I don't know," he admitted, with a weak shake of his head. "He's... He's not dealing well with people who aren't Blaine arriving here, and I don't know how he'd deal with Blaine's death, either. "I guess I'd say just give him some time, but as far as when and if you should tell him? Fuck, I don't know."

Her words just had Puck losing control of his tears again. No matter what he'd tried to do or what he could've done, Blaine wasn't going to keep fighting without Kurt. He never would, and Puck knew it. He'd known it back then, too. It would only be a matter of time before Blaine just gave up on living at all. But that didn't mean that Puck hadn't hoped like hell that something might change one day, and Blaine might be okay again. "This whole thing's just... It's fucking wrong. What's wrong with this world, that a person can't even fucking get married without some asshole deciding who lives and dies?"

Mercedes just shook her head sadly. "No... no, we couldn't have, Puck. Short of literally watching him twenty-four-seven, he didn't wanna go on without Kurt. Did he try, God bless his beautiful soul. He tried so hard to keep going because he knew Kurt would have wanted that, but he couldn't do it. Blaine was always the sorta guy destined to fall in love just once in his life, and so was Kurt. They got it so damn right the first time that nothing was ever gonna sway it. They could take on the world with each other. Sure, they had bumps along the way when they were finding their feet with dating and being gay, but what couple doesn't have that? Do you... I just... you know Kurt here. Is it gonna do him any good to know, or is it gonna make it all worse?"

She put her hand on her chest, literally feeling a crushing weight of relief. "But he's here..." she whispered with a disbelieving shake of her head. "H-He's here and alive. It might not be home, but that doesn't matter, right? Maybe it ain't quite what our notion of Heaven is, but it's sorta like it? I still feel like I'm gonna wake up any moment and be back in that freezing ER waiting room, hearing that flat buzz of the monitors through the glass walls."

That's when she remembered something, and reached into her pocket and pulled out a handkerchief, unfolding it and holding the items out to Puck. "His wedding ring, his watch, Star of David Pendant on a chain you gave him for his twenty first. You remember it, right? He never took it off. They gave me these at the hospital for safe-keeping."

"You know, sometimes I think those fuckers let him live on purpose... Like they knew it would be more merciful to have let him die with Kurt that day." This all hurt so much. He'd missed so much. Quinn had left him and Burt was dead, and now Blaine, too? How fucked up was this whole situation? "I don't really know at all. I wish I did. I think that it might be more than he can handle right now. It's just passed their two year anniversary, and he's taking it really hard that Blaine still hasn't come. I think telling him that he's dead might be more than he can get his mind wrapped around right now without freaking him completely out."

Puck nodded. "Yeah, he's here. And yeah, it's kinda like that, I guess. Except bad stuff still happens sometimes, and you still hurt like fuck when it does. But you're probably not. It takes a while before people get to go back to the real world. Something about having to learn all the island has to teach you, I guess? I don't really know. But I think we're gonna both be here a while."

When he saw the pendant there in Mercedes' hand, he felt like he was choking. He'd given it to Blaine ages ago, after the long running joke that Blaine was an adopted Jew, especially after kicking Puck's ass at dreidel, which Blaine referred to always and forever as Doodle. "Shit..." he finally managed, swallowing hard to keep from completely losing it. "I... I can't believe he was still wearing it."

Mercedes face crumbled a little more in pain hearing that. "How could anyone be so evil?" she gasped, putting her hand on her chest when the thought alone just made her stomach coil and tight cold clench in her chest twist further. "How could anyone want to wish so much misery on someone just because of who they fall in love with? Kurt and Blaine might both be boys, but I ain't ever seen a more perfect relationship. It was healthy, it was caring, respectful, loyal. They laughed and had fun together, they had a passionate sex life. How can anyone think that was wrong and should be destroyed? But not just destroyed... Kurt's life stolen. I-I want to see him. I want to see Kurt," she said tearfully.

She touched her lips softly, watching Puck with Blaine's pendant. "He never took it off. I know you always kinda wished it would protect him if you couldn't be there for him, and he was so touched when you gave it to him. I even remember Kurt joking that it would clash with his Atheism, but he knew how much it meant to Blaine. I don't know if Blaine ever really knew the true religious meaning of it, he just wore it because it meant something to you."

"I wish to God I knew," Puck replied weakly. "Maybe if we had a clue what makes people that way, there would be some way to stop it. But..." He trailed off, shaking his head. There was no explanation or understanding for the kind of hate that drove people to the acts of evil that had cost Kurt and now Blaine their lives. It made him almost physically nauseated to think that someone wanted to take Kurt's life from him, and destroy Blaine's like that. Rubbing his tired eyes sadly, he nodded his wholehearted agreement with Mercedes. "I don't know, babe. I remember thinking when me and Quinn hooked up again that if we had half the relationship Kurt and Blaine had, we might actually be okay. But that was... It was out of our hands. We had no choice in the matter. None of us could cope with that. It was too much. You can see him, babe. Just let me let him know you're here first?"

"I prayed for him all the time," Puck said softly, the turning the pendant over in his palm, and staring at it like he might somehow be able to see that this was all just some big mistake in the shining metal. "I thought that if I just prayed hard enough, God would... Would take care of him and heal his heart. But... But how're you supposed to heal something that's dead. Because Kurt was his heart. That's all there was to it." Pausing, he scratched at his head. "He... He gave me this huge fucking hug when I gave this to him, and put it on right then and there, talking about how he was the best gay honorary Jew ever. I fucking miss him, 'Cedes. Christ, I miss him."

Mercedes squeezed her eyes shut and held her hand up. "I can't think about that. I can't think 'bout them being nothing but pure evil and they got all they deserved with life sentences in prison. And you did have the relationship Kurt and Blaine had. When you and Quinn let yourselves have that second chance, you rocked it. You were amazing together. But none of us coped after Kurt was gone and it broke down. But don't ever doubt your relationship was amazing. It wasn't anything either of you did that lost it."

She looked at the pendant in Puck's hand, and her stomach clenched sadly to think that the last time Blaine had worn it, just a short time ago in her time, Blaine had lost his life. He should have been buried with it, but she knew why the medical staff would have removed Blaine's prized possessions. It wouldn't have been know what they needed to do if there had been a sliver of hope to save him. There hadn't been, though. There was a colour and shine gone in Blaine's features when they found him, he had been completely unresponsive. "I thing God maybe listened, babe. I think maybe the only way he could really take care of Blaine was to bring him back home. So he can be with Kurt. 'Cause I don't doubt for a single minute that even after they were both gone, they were together again. Kurt woulda been waiting for him. I know he don't believe in all that religious stuff, but in his own way, he woulda been waiting for Blaine." She gave Puck's fingers a soft nudge. "You should wear for it him. Until he comes, you can take care of it for him."

The fact was, Puck was very much on the same page as Mercedes. The people who killed Kurt existed in his mind solely as ruthless, cold-blooded, hateful killers. There was no humanity to them... No goodness to speak of... Absolutely nothing that could redeem them, even in a small way, from the pure evil they had carried out in murdering Kurt, and, in so doing, in taking Blaine's life... Puck's marriage... all the things that had made their lives so beautiful before. "I know," he said softly. "We were so fucking happy together... We were trying for a baby. We wanted to have one together before Kurt and Blaine were ready to have their own, because Quinn wanted to be waiting in the wings as a surrogate if they wanted it... But... When we lost Kurt, she didn't... She didn't even want me to touch her anymore. We lost everything, including each other." Looking out across the darkness of the ocean waves, Puck swallowed to regain a bit of his composure.

His eyes fell back to the pendant resting in his hand. In a way, it felt like it was his little piece of Blaine... The piece of Blaine that would stay with him forever, regardless of whether or not he ever appeared on this island. "Maybe so..." Puck replied, his voice breaking with the urge to cry again. "He was never going to be okay without Kurt. Nothing I could've done would ever have saved him from that kind of pain. He couldn't make it without Kurt. There was no fucking chance in hell." Glancing down at Mercedes' hand pushing his gently, he used both hands to slip the chain over his head, the pendant bumping lightly against his chest. "I've tried for so long to move past this, 'Cedes. But... Fuck, we all lost everything that day. Fuckin' everything."

Mercedes hadn't ever really managed to get the romance thing right in her life. She had a few near misses, but never managed to find The One. Then after Kurt died, she never had the energy to try. She started to think it was just easier to be alone in case you put your heart and soul into something, only to have them torn away from you. She knew what a broken heart felt like, and that hurt enough. She didn't know if she could handle finding love and losing it, plus Lima had been really slim pickings on the guy front. At least, guys who would complete her. It was a lonely life, but at least her heart was protected, right? "You said Quinn was here, but from a different time? Does she know any of this? Did you ever tell her? Maybe you guys can try again? As weird as this place is..." she said, feeling vulnerable and scared as she glanced around the unfamiliar surroundings. Why was she just going along with it? She didn't know... probably the trauma of Blaine's death and the fact Puck was a familiar face. She was willing to cling onto anything right now.

She watched him put Blaine's pendant on and gave a tiny nod. It's what Blaine would have wanted. At least, this would be the second choice after being buried with it. God, she hoped like hell they requested he be buried in that and his wedding ring back home. More tears were coming now, and she put her hand over her face. "How did you just learn to survive here knowing everything back there? How can you just switch it off and keep going?"

Puck shook his head firmly. "No. Quinn doesn't know. Not unless Kurt told her, and I asked him not to. He said he wouldn't. It's best if she doesn't. She came from right after her accident, and she's about the same age now as she was when we got married. I'm a lot older... Closer to thirty than I'd like to admit. And she's... She's with Nick now... Who, by the way, has no idea he hooked up with Jeff later on. He just thinks Jeff was his BFF. It's just a bunch of really fucked up, painful shit that I don't think... I don't know how you just tell somebody things like that. How do I tell Quinn that we got married, but she pulled away from me when Kurt died, and now, with what you know, that she left me? I can't do that to her. She doesn't deserve the guilt of dealing with that. She's having a hard enough time trying to help Kurt without feeling bad about stuff that she hasn't even done yet in her life." He shook his head. It would've sounded crazy to anybody else, but once you'd been on this island for a while, weird shit made perfect sense.

Puck reached out to put a comforting arm around Mercedes' shoulders, trying whatever he could to help her work through the pain she had inside. He wished he had a good answer to her question, but there really wasn't one, and he fucking ached all over just thinking about that. "You don't have a choice," Puck admitted weakly. "You either do that, or it eats you alive. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do for your friends."

Mercedes watched Puck quietly, her eyes looking over his face. "That's a hell of a secret to have to carry 'round with you, babe," she pointed out quietly. There was nothing accusatory in it, though. Just merely observational. "Nick? As in Nick and Jeff? He's with Quinn? That's... that's... but they're married back home. I mean, granted, it ain't been a smooth ride, but they're still together. Nothing was ever a smooth ride for anyone after everything. Ain't a single damn one of us figured anything out after Kurt died. I just thought Quinn woulda been more... curious, I guess. 'Bout where she ended up in the future, asked more questions. I guess this place really does change you, huh? And somehow I gotta figure it out... somehow gotta figure out how the hell I can see Kurt in person after I've lived with talking to his gravestone for two years. It was such a nice gravestone too. Blaine had lil silver stars embedded all over it with a tiny gold heart in one corner. But you... well, you know that. I'm so confused right now, I'm sorry..."

Her voice hitched and more emotion tickled in her throat. "I think I need to lie down or something, I ain't feeling so good. This is just... I-I need time. I dunno how I'm gonna do any of this, but I need time."

He just nodded, forcing a weak smile. "You do what you have to when you have to protect the people you love. Like I said... There was a weird age gap when she got here. I always planned to tell her if she was still around when she got over, but she hooked up with Nick, and they're happy... Yeah. Nick as in Nick and Jeff. You know, there are times, even now, when his name almost comes out of my mouth attached to Jeff's? Those two belonged together as much as Blaine and Kurt did, and yet, on this island? Nick has no fucking idea. It does... It changes everything. Kurt told her that she was happy where he came from, and I guess that was enough for her. I've kind of kept to myself, other than Mike. He's my roommate here. It's okay. You probably will be a little confused for a while. You get used to it, and you learn to live with it."

Puck nodded quietly. "You can come back to my place if you'd like. Have a lie down in my bed. I'll take the couch, it's no big deal. You'll have your own place, but you might not wanna be alone right now... At least, I know I didn't when I first got here."

It was just all too much. Mercedes brain suddenly felt like it had information overload and like it was going to explode. If she tried to take in anymore, she didn't know what would happen. For now, she just had to try and switch off to collect herself and deal with the shock of Blaine's death. Not to mention the shock of ending up here in this strange place that made no sense. The place where Kurt was alive. It was going to take more time than just accepting on face value.

"Thanks," she said, choked up. She wasn't sure she could handle being somewhere strange and all alone right now. Not after what she just witnessed. She was beyond spooked, and it felt like she couldn't stop shaking. Part of her still felt like she wanted to be sick. Whatever this all was, she trusted Puck not to be lying to her and even if it was freaking her out, at least he was a familiar face. Somehow, this had to start making sense sooner or later.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ARRIVAL, TAG PUCK] "Reminisce some time, the night they took my friend."

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject